and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
