I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
