I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
