He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im six kinds of drunk right now
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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