dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
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because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize