this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
