Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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