so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
