Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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