well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
