currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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