she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
