college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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