Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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