I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
