i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
