How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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