WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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