dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
