DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black