yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's