I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
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So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.