and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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