Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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