I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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