I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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