apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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