dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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