You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
