if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why do cheetos always look like penises
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
