The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found puke in my bra..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
