I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize