...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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