In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
