i just had sex bonerless
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
