That's when you crack a 10am beer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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