i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
