I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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