EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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