Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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