Where is the hickey?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
