Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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