i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
3 2 1 whiskey
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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