ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
