i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
