Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
