Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
