Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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