Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
