i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
