You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
