i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
