"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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