Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
