i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
