I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
