A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
