I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
