Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
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Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
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Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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