Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
