its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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