I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
